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Back to School Tips

August 17, 2018 by coryne

When the kids return to school, things can be chaotic around the house.

Just like I posted about working moms and the summer, it’s time to turn our attention to the next season: back to school.

Since my kids are beyond this at 21 and 23, I scoured the web for the best ideas on how to:

develop routines
get organized
manage work

There’s a lot here, so I encourage you to pick the one area that you could use the most help in and start exploring there. After all, the last thing we need is more overwhelm!

Back to School: Routines

I know some people aren’t real keen on routines, but the research shows that routines give children a sense of security and help them develop self-discipline.

Here are some great articles on setting up morning routines, after-school routines, and evening routines.

Morning routines are about getting the basics out of the way and getting everyone out the door on-time and relatively unfrazzled! This article from Parenting magazine covers everything from when to wake up, what to do first, breakfast tips and teaching life lessons (yes, even in the morning!).

I never thought much about an after-school routine, but apparently it’s a good idea, too (who knew??). In a post by The Confident Mom, she talks about having an immediate as-soon-as-you-walk-in-the-door routine as well as “reading” your child to figure out if play time, snack time or homework time should be next on the agenda.

And last but not least is that evening wind-down routine. I give a lot of credence to an article on MomOf6.com. My gosh, six kids means she HAS to know what she’s doing, right? This short piece covers the after dinner to hop-in-bed time frame.

Back to School: Organization

When you’re juggling a house, a job, and children, it’s important to be organized. After all, who’s got extra time to spend looking for stuff?

But the school year brings extra challenges when it comes to getting kids dressed, packing them a lunch and tracking all that homework.

I’m actually jealous that Al Gore hadn’t invented the internet yet when my kids were little! There are some fantastic ideas out there!

First, this article from Organize and Decorate Everything gives four different ways to organize kids outfits for the school week. I gave it top honors, since it’s sponsored by Dollar General, and all the solutions are cheap! For those crafty moms out there, this project uses the same idea of outfits for the week, but uses a dresser drawer instead of closet space.

On to those pesky school lunches. I’m proud to say that, despite my lack of digital resources, I used this idea from iHeart Organizing when my kids were little. The basic idea is bins in the pantry AND the fridge that are grab and go lunches. Then, as the kids get older, they can make their own in minutes! Not to mention, they knew what food was off limits for snacking, too.

And finally, there is organizing the papers and homework that comes home. There are hundreds of beautiful crafty solutions out there, but, let’s face it. Whose got time for dat?

So I went with this idea from makinglemonade.com. It’s simple, small and portable and perfect for the younger kiddies. When they get a little older, this article from school-giant Scholastic helps them get organized AND start planning projects ahead of time. Just think…no more late night panic projects!

Bonus Tip: Plan takeout or leftovers for the first day of school and let everyone know you’ll spend your evening filling out back-to-school forms

Back to School: Manage Work

Just because our personal lives get chaotic around back to school season, those pesky jobs just keep rolling along! I found many articles and blog posts that included tips in them, but surprisingly few that focused on this issue. So here are the best of what’s out there from a variety of sources.

If you can, plan your work so that you have a lighter load a week before school starts, and for the first week (from inPower Coaching)
Talk to your boss about the temporary craziness (see this article on 4 Tips for Talking Work-Life Balance with your Boss)
Put back-up childcare in place early

This last one is probably the most critical, especially when you have to fill in those emergency contact cards for the school. I was lucky. I had my mother, my mother-in-law, and a neighbor as my possibilities when my kids were younger. At one time or another, I utilized all of them, which let me keep my focus on my job when situations arose. This article on care.com gives 6 options you can investigate. And I think it would make a nice addition to that conversation with your boss in #2 above!

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Back to school means a lot of changes in the household, and like everything, forewarned is forearmed. What area do you need help with?

Leaving you with this from the lighter side: I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite reptile is!

Bad Moments: How Not to Milk Them

August 10, 2018 by coryne

Bad moments don’t have to leave permanent brick marks

Bad moments. They happen to all of us, usually every day.

We can run or we can rise.

We can dwell or we can deal.

I saw this (and I use the term loosely) inspirational quote this morning:

Did you have a bad day? Or did you have a bad 5 minutes and milk it all day?

Oh it’s so easy to fall into that trap!

One little hitch in the morning routine, and the day is ruined.

You say “good morning” and someone ignores you. And you ruminate on whether they are mad at you.

Scientifically, it’s called the negativity bias because we only see what’s wrong.

I like to add in a pinch of confirmation bias, because once we start down the path of “It’s a bad day” all we do is look for confirmation of that “fact”.

So if negativity bias and confirmation bias are hard-wired into our human brain (for survival reasons), what can we do to win this war?

Bad Day: The Gratitude Gun

Pulling from last weeks post on Gratitude, it’s one of the reasons I wanted to cultivate the habit in the first place.

$h!t happens.

All the time.

How do we not let it get to us?

By being thankful for the things that do go well. Maybe I didn’t get out of the house without a hitch this morning, but I did every other morning this week. I’m grateful for that. I think hindsight gratitude works just as well as in-the-moment gratitude when you’re learning!

If we make it a habit to be grateful for the little things, that confirmation bias starts to work for us in the positive direction.

Bad Day: The Attitude Ammo

If gratitude can become a habit, so can a positive attitude.

My team has a catch-phrase that says we are “an oasis of positivity and excellence…in all we do”.

You know what is hard to do?

Be grumpy on a team that is known for its positivity.

Here are some tips from an Operation Meditation article:

Get Moving – exercise helps you feel better, look better and have a more positive attitude
Plan Ahead – Success and accomplishment both breed positivity, so set yourself up for those successes by planning ahead.
Meditate – Most of our negative thoughts and feelings come from when we get super-busy, frustrated, and overwhelmed. And the negative attitude soon follows. Meditation is a great way to fight back against all of those feelings
Schedule a laugh – A consistent habit of laughter can keep your attitude in a great place, and will provide a pick-me-up if you are having a down day. One of my go-tos? Damn You Autocorrect. I can always count on laughing so hard I cry at the mistakes our phones help us make!

A positive attitude can’t fix all your problems, but it always will put you in a better mindset to problem solve.

Bad Day: The Self-Care Cannon

Obviously as a STEMinista, I consider self-care a pillar to our success. It’s right in the STEMinista logo; you are the nucleus of making your life work.

Need some thought starters? Here are some great tips from Mental Health America:

Live Healthy, eat healthy foods, get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and avoid drugs and alcohol. Manage stress and go for regular medical check-ups.
Practice good hygiene. Good hygiene is important for social, medical, and psychological reasons in that it not only reduces the risk of illness, but it also improves the way others view you and how you view yourself.
See friends to build your sense of belonging. Consider joining a support group to make new friends.
Try to do something you enjoy every day. That might mean dancing, watching a favorite TV show, working in the garden, painting or reading.
Find ways to relax, like meditation, yoga, getting a massage, taking a bath or walking in the woods.

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So there you have it. In the war on the negativity that surrounds us, I’ve given you a gun, some ammo and a cannon.

What weapon do you need to pull out today, so your bad five minutes isn’t milked into a bad day?

Leaving you with this from the lighter side: A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it may annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

Gratitude: My Personal Journey

August 4, 2018 by coryne

Gratitude. It’s a word we all know and celebrate, particularly in November here in the United States.

But it’s a hard word for me.

It’s not that I’m ungrateful, it’s just that I don’t regularly stop to think about it.

Sometimes, it’s obvious and easy. I’m cold and wet after playing outside in the winter. That hot shower is a-mazing! And I thank everyone who worked to make indoor plumbing with hot water a thing.

But do I think that every morning when I shower? Nope.

Do I thank people who serve me at restaurants and hold doors for me? Yes, every time. But I feel that is more politeness than actual gratitude. Sure, I’m grateful on some superficial level. After all, they carried my food from the kitchen or didn’t let the door slam in my face. But I say thank you out of politeness.

Of course, if I haven’t eaten for 12 hours and the server delivers my food in minutes, I feel gratitude. And if my hands are full and someone goes out of their way to get the door for me, then I feel true gratitude.

Can you feel my struggle?

There are a hundred little things that I could be grateful for each day, but feeling gratitude seems like it has to come from a deeper place, guided by circumstance. And that doesn’t feel like I’m doing it right.

I’ve been beating my head against this for years actually, since I first heard about keeping a gratitude journal from Oprah.

Gratitude: What Really Important People are Saying

“I know for sure that appreciating whatever shows up for you in life changes your personal vibration. You radiate and generate more goodness for yourself when you’re aware of all you have and not focusing on your have-nots.” Oprah Winfrey

“You can’t be fearful and grateful simultaneously, so if you want to conquer those [emotions], maybe it’s time to train your nervous system to go into gratitude more naturally.” Tony Robbins

“What we focus on, what we put our attention on really determines how we feel about that particular day or our life in general,” Arianna Huffington

“The power, the wisdom, the creativity of the universe? You open the door to all that through gratitude.” Deepak Chopra

Why wouldn’t I want some of that?!?

Gratitude: What I’ve Tried

My journey started out with keeping a journal. I love getting a new journal! It’s possibilities are endless and I attacked this with gusto. I was going to follow Oprah’s model of writing down five things each night that I was grateful for during the day.

That lasted about three weeks. And even those weeks were spotty. Here’s some highlights:

I could stay in my warm fuzzy fleece pants all day
I got to enjoy a beautiful sunset on my drive home
The hand lotion I used smelled really good
I got to watch two of my favorite TV shows and still make it to bed by 9:30
My four wheel drive pick up
The sunny day
My dog is so damn cute!

Are these bad? No, not really, but they don’t seem like they will open the door to the power, the wisdom and the creativity of the universe either.

Then I tried an every day miracle box. I decoupaged a nice box to sit on my counter, and every day for one year I’d write an every day miracle on a piece of paper and drop it in the box. That sounded like gratitude, right? Here are some of those:

We got 9 inches of snow and it’s gorgeous; especially since I don’t have to drive in it
Son helped husband fix sump pump so I didn’t have to
Chiropractic adjustment
Completed my OGE450 (a mandatory form for the Government due every year)
Saw sun after three days of rain
Septic system is still working

Frankly, most of those don’t sound like miracles and I noticed a lot of them had to do with the weather when I read through them at the end of the year. Definitely don’t seem like I’ll be conquering any fears with them.

Then I went to a digital journal with the app Day One. Didn’t like that as I was doing it right before bed and my entries were very short and cryptic because I was using my phone.

Then I tried using a template by Michael Hyatt. Too long. Who had time for that?

And this year, I tried a DATE template. Each night, in a physical journal, I would write one thing I Discovered, Achieved, was Thankful for and Experienced. Still spotty and the last entry was three weeks ago. I know this, because I opened it to check. Not to write in, mind you, just to check.

Gratitude: What’s Next for Me?

Right now, I think I need to get out of my own head on this.

Take a deep breath and realize that there is no right or wrong.

Today I’m grateful that writing this stream of consciousness down helped me realize that I don’t need to have a visceral response for it to “count”.

That gratitude for holding a door for me out of politeness counts just as much as the gratitude I feel when my arms are full and someone goes out of the way to open the door.

Maybe, on some days, I’m not so grateful that I’m intelligent, love to learn, read too much and then judge myself too harshly.

But I’m still grateful I’m intelligent and love to learn, despite the consequences.

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So, where do you stand on gratitude?

Leaving you with this from the lighter side:

Burnout: Five Ways to Prevent It

July 27, 2018 by coryne

The road to burnout is paved with good intentions. You want to perform at the highest level and you care very deeply about your work. But slowly, over time, the chronic stress and pressures lead you to feel utterly depleted and ineffective.

Burnout often happens as a result of simple prolonged overload of work, but not always. Other common factors include:

feeling like you have no control over your work
lack of clarity about your responsibilities
feeling isolated or unsupported
not enough feedback, rewards or recognition

There are no quick fixes, but you can take real actionable steps to make it better, or – if you can imagine this – even eliminate burnout.

Burnout: Foster Good Habits and Break Bad Habits

Kind of goes into the “Duh” category doesn’t it?

But those who are living the burnout dream and most need to change their habits, rarely realize it.

You know the type (it might even be you!). They eke out every minute of productive work time, skip exercising, eat junk food while working, and work nights and weekends to crush that deadline. And it works. Once.

But those productivity short cuts are deceptive. Over time, they erode the body and mind of the capacity to cope with stress effectively and cloud your ability to see what’s happening to you.

To break the vicious cycle:

Prioritize physical exercise. It seems tiring in the moment but it’s actually rejuvenating for those with burnout.
Shift your approach to stress. You can never eliminate stress, but you can pause for deep breathing or just recognize the anxiety you are feeling. Here’s a list of 30 second stress relievers from Inc magazine!
Take breaks and vacations. When you step away you create not just physical distance, but mental space. And when you do step away, leave your phone and email behind to do a digital detox.

Burnout: Make Smart Time Trade-offs

Many women feel that there is never enough time to get on top of things and that it’s impossible to keep up. Ultimately this sense of time scarcity can feel overwhelming and contribute to burnout.

Efficient time management can help (see my review of the book Getting Things Done) along with controlling your calendar (see an Entrepreneur article on this). So can adopting a ruthless focus on what makes the most difference. I subscribe to the thee Most Important Tasks (MIT) theory. Every morning I take a couple minutes to identify the 1-3 things for that day that will have the most impact. I actually do this once I get home in the evenings, too, and on weekend days. That is my focus, so that high-impact things don’t get swallowed by all the “noise”.

Burnout: How Are Things with your Manager?

The relationship you have with your manager can have a HUGE impact on your energy, enthusiasm and confidence. The list of sins includes micromanagement, no feedback, poor communication, unrealistic expectations, etc.

Good news, though, is that relationships usually can be improved.

The bad news is that it usually takes a difficult conversation.

To prep for this conversation, think about the role you’ve played in letting it get to this point. For example, are you the go-to person for short deadline projects because you’ve proven that you always deliver. Are the powers-that-be aware of the sacrifices you make in order to hit those deadlines?

Never assume your manager knows things about you, until you tell him or her outright.

Then, the conversation can be structured in a calm, direct way. Yes, I know most women prefer to be indirect, but this is not the time for that!

Burnout: Connect with a Peer

When you are stretched thin, taking some time to talk with a peer can help you uncover useful information that may help you feel more connected and supported at work.

There might be common challenges that you can learn how to deal with differently. This broadens your thinking AND lightens the burden by sharing it, too. Or you might learn more about the organization as a whole and THAT helps you do your job better.

A word of warning here: If your burnout manifests itself as cynicism (and it often does!) be careful that your conversations don’t devolve into gripe sessions.

Burnout: Reconnect with What Motivates You

As I said in last week’s post, lives are built on solid foundations.

Think back. What excited you about your job in the first place? Often, amid the rush of daily demands to keep cranking out a product or service, it is easy to lose sight of why you are doing what you are doing.

Find ways to regain a sense of meaning in your work. Usually this requires you to get to your end user. That may not be your customer. In my day job, my customers are the leaders in the workplace. My ultimate end user, though, is the soldier in the field who receive the technologies my clients work on.

If I ever need a shot of motivation, I need only talk to a soldier who’s life was saved by some bit of tech that my org provided. It’s incredibly motivating! Even when my day to day is dealing with people who can’t get along!

Ok. So what if you’re motivated by advancement yet promotions are hard to come by? No problem. Look at what you are doing as a way to advance and showcase your skills so that next promotion opportunity finds you more prepared. It’s like eating your vegetables. Do the job now because it’s good for you in the long term!

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I’ve only suffered burnout once in my career and that was due to having a 5 & 3 year-old at home and traveling too much for work. I won’t lie, I left that position and took one with less responsibility. And it took me a while to recover mentally and physically. But a couple years later I was ready to step up to the plate again at work, and took a new position that ultimately resulted in my promotion into leadership a couple years after that.

If I can do this, you can do this!

Leaving you with this from the lighter side: “Hello? Coroner? I’d like to order an autopsy to find out what killed my ambition, enthusiasm and hope for a brighter tomorrow.”

The STEMinista Revolution Framework

July 20, 2018 by coryne

Classical Architecture Provides a Brilliant Framework

I decided to share my framework for working with clients here because I get asked a lot not only what I do, but how I do it.

The first question is easy to answer: I help women with STEM careers handle their immediate pain points and then help them refocus, re-purpose and re-energize all facets of their lives.

The second question is trickier because every client is different. However, when I really think about it, I realize that all the building blocks are there because every woman I work with already has a life (imagine that!). Together we assess those blocks and we decide where to begin.

So my framework, depicted here, is based on classical Greek architecture.

Why that particular metaphor?

Well, I like classic architecture for one thing and this one works on so many levels. Let’s explore.

Framework: Overview

The Greeks wanted to build something that lasts, something that matters. Most women I talk to want to build something that lasts, too. In other words, they want to make a life that matters. (For an excellent podcast episode on this, click here)

So, if this is the goal, how do we end up stressed out, strung out and overwhelmed?

Well, it’s like the ancient temples with the passage of time. The sun is like our information today. A little is a beautiful thing, but the constant, unceasing barrage takes it’s toll.

The wind and the rain are like our distractions today. Any busy office or lab will have their inevitable distractions, just as the beautiful Mediterranean climate has its inevitable storms.

And then there are the marauding hordes of old. Just like they didn’t care about those temples, our modern penchant for management by crisis has a casual disregard for our long term goals and plans.

So when the information overload, the distractions and the crises have us ready to throw in the towel, it’s time to do a little restoration work using the STEM Rev Framework.

Framework: A Solid Foundation

All great buildings are built on a solid foundation, and lives are no different.

We plan on going to college, we plan on getting married and we plan on having children…ahem…usually…

A lot of STEM women choose STEM because they want to make a difference in the world – an impact. That is a great foundation to build on!

Even if you chose STEM because it’s financially lucrative – that’s STILL a great foundation.

But when things get complicated and overwhelming, we naturally ask ourselves why.

Why did I think this degree would be awesome? Why did I get married? (trust me, we’ve all been there!) And why on earth did I want children (as they’re screaming and fighting with each other)?

It’s pretty easy to lose sight of our bigger why.

And that’s why we need to be reminded.

You build the foundation when you’re in a calm, excited, conquer-the-world state.

So you can remind yourself when the sun, wind and rain, AKA information overload and distractions, erode your soul.

Framework: Strong Pillars

The pillars are what people usually see first when approaching a temple and these are the roles that we play in our lives.

For the STEMinista Revolution, there’s career, partnership, motherhood and self-care. These are our foundation pillars.

Many women have others as well.

But the pillars, or our different roles, are what takes the brunt of decay over time. After all, if a pillar comes down, the whole building isn’t usually far behind.

So the framework requires that I work with women to shore up their pillars, which translates to helping them with their immediate pain points. I typically see two types of issues: relationship issues (e.g. I can’t stand my micromanaging boss anymore!) or resilience (e.g. how do I cope with everything on my plate AND this impending vacation?)

Once I help a woman assess her pillars, she can choose where to begin the shoring up process.

Framework: Holding it All Together

Warning: quick architecture lesson: the triangle structure at the top of buildings is called the pediment. The entire structure between the top of the columns and the pediment is called the entablature.

Since that’s a terrible word that even my spell check does not recognize, let’s call the entablature the frieze, (pronounced freeze). Architecturally inaccurate, but much simpler to visualize!

The frieze gives every column stability because it forms a system that connects the columns together and everyone knows a system is much harder to knock down than a single element. Our studded walls of today still rely on this principle.

So the frieze in my framework is the Annual Goal Planning Strategy found here.

Why is this so important?

Because a goal strategy:

Let’s you intentionally go through your days and weeks
Prevents overwhelm
Keeps the big picture at the forefront
Let’s you look for overlaps in your goals

It’s the glue that holds all the elements of your life into a system that is much more resistant to the modern world.

When I work with a client on this piece, we are stepping back and looking at her life as a whole and developing a strategy around how to accomplish it all.

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So now you know my secret sauce to working with women to help them achieve STEMinista status.

I ask you this:

Do you consistently remember your bigger Why (your foundation)?

Are your pillars (roles) defined and strong or under siege?

Do you have an Annual Goal Strategy to hold it all together?

Leaving you with this from the lighter side: The wedding was so beautiful that even the cake was in tiers! (Sorry, it is the only vaguely architecture-related pun I know!)

You ARE the rock star of your life!